Post TreyMatic Stress
by BabyJamazing
Summary: Post season 2 ending. Marissa has to come to terms with the consquences of having shot Trey and all of the aftermath. Please Read and Review.
1. Chapter 1

1.

She appeared at the front door of the apartment, her eyes taking in the scene in front of her. The two brothers were rolling around on the floor among broken glass from the broken table, the entire room in disarray, the only standing furniture left in the room was the telephone stand which contained a lamp and a telephone.

"Stop it" she exclaimed, her plea fell upon deaf ears as they continued to fight. Both boys appeared to be battered and bruised beyond recognition. Finally Trey got an upper hand and was sitting on Ryan's chest, choking him.

"Stop it! Your hurting him. Stop it please." She screamed at the top of her lungs, tears pouring from her eyes, falling down her face. Trey was choking her boyfriend, the only guy she had ever loved. She ran up to Trey and tried to pry him off of Ryan.

He momentarily took his grip off of Ryan's neck and threw her against the wall. He went back to choking Ryan. He had no conscious, he was going to kill his brother. His brother always had the better life, he always got the girl. This time he would have it all. There was a feral look in his eye.

She was shocked at having been flung against the wall. The tears wouldn't stop falling and her vision was blurred from all the tears. She saw Trey reach for the telephone, grab it in his hand. Suddenly she was even more terrified, he wasn't going to stop until he killed his brother. After all he had done…all the times he tried to help him and get his life back on track, after getting beat up in Chino while delivering a car for his jailed brother. Trey just didn't care about all Ryan had done.

"You're killing him….please….just stop it……please…..don't" she sobbed, hysterical with fear and agony, she couldn't let this happen. "You're going to kill him….please just stop."

Once again her pleas were ignored, Trey didn't stop what he was doing. She looked around the room, looking for something, anything to help her. From the corner of her eye she saw something glimmering in the dark destroyed room. A gun. She took it in her hand, and looked to the two brothers. Trey was now holding the telephone in his hand, high above his head. He was a mere two seconds away from killing, or at the very least, causing brain damage to his brother.

She closed her eyes, pointed the gun and shot. She opened her eyes, shocked at what she had done, and saw Trey turn his body, in complete disbelief, looking at her. He couldn't believe for a second that his brother's girlfriend just shot him. He looked down to his brother, who was struggling to catch his breath, blood oozed from the front of his shirt, onto his brother who was beneath him; then he collapsed.

She watched as Ryan struggled to get to his feet, the back of his shirt torn and covered in blood. The cuts on him caused from the shards of broken glass that they were rolling in. He slowly walked up to his girlfriend and hugged her, then he collapsed.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo" she screamed as she closed her eyes once again.

She suddenly sat straight up, her heart beating fast. It was only a nightmare. She looked around her room, she was sweating and her bed was covered in sweat, her sheets had been kicked to the ground in the fit of sleep she had, tossing and turning, fighting to wake up before she got to the end of the dream.

She walked into the bathroom that was en suite and splashed cold water on her face, she looked up to the mirror and muttered, "I did it to save you." She ran her hand through her hair and really looked at herself in the mirror. Her once bright blue eyes were now graying and emotionless. She skin had lost its natural glow, and had turned paler, someone would even say a shade of green. Her beautiful hair had become ragged and brittle.

Two weeks had passed since that night, and each and every single night she had the same nightmare. No matter how much she fought to wake up before the end, it never happened. Each night she watched herself shoot Trey in the back and watched him collapse onto of Ryan. Each night she saw the spark from the gun as the bullet shot out of the gun to save Ryan's life.

She slowly walked back into her room, went to her vanity table and withdrew a bottle of vodka from one of the drawers. She had hidden the bottle under many makeup cases so that her mother couldn't find it. She unscrewed the bottle and took a long swig straight from the bottle before putting it back in its hiding place. She looked over to the clock, it was 3am.

She picked up her cell phone and dialed the number. A voice that always calmed her down picked up. "Summer, its me. It happened again," she said as she moved to her bed, laying down, pulling her feet close to her body and listened to her friend comfort her. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

2.

The room was dark. All the curtains were drawn so that light wouldn't get in through the windows. He lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Over the past two weeks so many things had happened, so many things to think about.

Every time he closed his eyes he saw the same scene over and over again. He and his brother were fighting and them the sound of a gun going off His brother fell down on top of him. He would look up and see his girlfriend standing there in shock, with a gun in her hand. It almost felt as if he were a ghost, floating above the scene and watching it unfold; instead of actually being involved in it herself.

What a tragic night it was. So much had died that night. Trey died before the EMTs even got to the scene, the romance between he and Marissa died, and ultimately, a part of him had died.

He had collapsed after getting out from under Trey's body. The EMTs put him on a stretcher and loaded him into the ambulance. Marissa was screaming and fighting with the police officers begging them to let her ride with him but they needed her for questioning. The doors to the ambulance closed and she was gone.

A few hours later she appeared by his side in the hospital. She told him that he had collapsed due to the loss of blood and that they were going to keep him over night. He already knew that, Sandy had told him what the doctors said. Marissa grabbed his hand and told him how sorry she was. She didn't mean to kill Trey but she had to save him somehow. Ryan said nothing. She left the room crying.

She came back the next day and repeated the same story, again, he said nothing. Even after he was released from the hospital, she'd call the Cohen's house and Ryan wouldn't take her calls. Its not that he hated her, but he didn't' know how to cope. He had gone to Trey's apartment to do some serious damage to his brother, but he never thought the end result would be an Atwood dead. Had Marissa not shown up, he would be dead. Marissa did show up and his brother was dead.

Sandy was concerned about him, he could tell. Ryan stayed locked up in his room only coming out to eat. He had spoken very few words since that tragic night two weeks ago. Kirsten had called from rehab to try to console him. Even Seth tried to be supportive by not talking as much. Nothing worked.

He missed Marissa more than anything and he wanted her here, by his side, but he didn't know how to deal with all the pain and mixed emotions that he was experiencing. He felt love, hurt, hate, rage, betrayal. He didn't even now he was capable of half of those emotions.

He picked up the telephone in his room and dialed her number, before it would even ring he hung up. What would he say? He put his head back on the pillow and thought of it he would see her at Trey's funeral. He closed his eyes and tried to picture her. Marissa Cooper with her bright blue eyes that smiled at him, her skin beautifully and evenly tanned, her shiny blondish brown hair in a different style each time he saw her. His dear sweet Marissa Cooper.


	3. Chapter 3

3. She walked up to the door of the pool house timidly and knocked. Sandy had called the rehabilitation center claiming a family emergency that Kirsten had to be present for. Today was the day of Trey's funeral and Ryan was going to need all of the support he could get. Sandy had hired a private detective and located Dawn, but she didn't want to come to the funeral. She felt as if she had abandoned her sons when they were young and that they were better off without her. Sandy had pleaded with her, to come, just to offer support for Ryan but she refused.

The next best thing to having his real mother there would be to have Kirsten near him. Kirsten always had a way of calming Ryan down, and she still felt the need to apologize to him for what she said on the day her family decided to intervene with her drinking. She had been ridden with guilt when she remembered all the nasty things she said to her family who cared for her. The one thing that made her realize she had to go was the look on Seth's face. She had never seen her son look that upset in his entire life, not even when he and Summer broke up.

She knocked on the door again as she tried the knob. The door was unlocked and she walked into the room. Ryan was sitting on his bed, his head in his hands. Kirsten walked in and sat down next to him. Ryan still hadn't looked up.

"How are you holding up," she asked Ryan.

Ryan looked up, shock filling his face. She was truly the last person he had expected to see. Sandy said that her rehab stay would be at the very least 3 months.

"Kirsten, what are you doing here?" he said wiping the remnants of tears from his eyes.

"My family needed me," she said while giving him a hug, "Sandy got me out for a few days, for a family emergency. I wouldn't miss being here for you come hell or high water. I would have come sooner, but you know, I had no idea. They wouldn't let me use a phone for the first two weeks. God, Ryan, I'm so sorry….sorry about everything." She said trying her hardest to hold the tears back.

"It's not your fault…you didn't pull the trigger," he said solemnly.

She gave him another hug, "It's not just about that. I'm just so sorry that I wasn't able to be here for you. Ryan, I'm so sorry about the things I said to you that day. I let you into this house because you are a good kid and you needed to get away from the way you were being raised, I never meant to bring those memories back into your life by being the drunk alcoholic that Sandy got you away from," she said not really caring if she was insulting Dawn. She was infuriated that Dawn didn't want to be there for her one remaining son, the son that was going to a tough school and passing with straight A's irregardless of all personal issues he was dealing with.

Ryan hugged Kirsten back, it was very unlike Ryan to hug but he felt a special connection with Kirsten. She had been a great mother figure to him, even when she was under the influence; she never once hit him or raised her voice at him, or made him feel like an outsider. The only time he was ever hurt by her was the day they had an intervention and she acted as if he were nothing to her.

"I understand why you said what you did," he started, looking into her eyes, "you felt ganged up on and you were angry. I didn't take it personal," he forced a smile before looking back into his hands. He was holding an article that was written about the shooting and death of Trey Atwood.

"Seriously, Ryan, how are you holding up?" she asked concerned. Ryan meant a great deal to her and she wanted to be there for him. She knew that Ryan wasn't the type to really talk about his feelings, but if he wanted to open up, she would be here for him. Sandy and Seth said that Ryan spoke even less than he used to.

"It's hard," he said after a moment's silence. His girlfriend had shot and killed his brother in order to save his life. He hadn't spoken to Marissa since that night. All the remembered doing was getting up off of the floor and hugging Marissa before collapsing and being taken away by the EMT's. He had secluded himself from Sandy and Seth. He didn't know what to say to anyone. He found it easier to talk to Kirsten because she was also dealing with her own problems and its always easy to talk, one troubled person to another. "I've never had to deal with death before, and this isn't like….its not….well….its my brother…..and…he didn't just die….he was shot….by Marissa." He finally managed to spit it all out before looking back down. He had a headache.

"Have you tried to talk to anyone?" she asked, "Not Sandy, Seth or even Marissa, but have you considered going to speak to a psychiatrist? This is a lot to handle for someone as young as you," she said in a motherly voice.

Ryan let out a snort as if he were too good or too tough to see a shrink, "Do you remember the kind of nut job Marissa met when she went," he had completely forgotten that Kirsten was currently one of those nut jobs who needed help.

"Not everyone is like Oliver," she put her hand on his shoulder, remembering the ordeal and trauma that Oliver had brought into their once quiet lives, "Ryan, it is something you really should look into, doing to speak to someone, an outsider, really does help. They don't judge you and they don't try to tell you about how you could have made the situation any different, they just give you advice on how to deal with your emotions."

"I'll think about it," he said obviously not meaning it.

Kirsten stood up, looking at her watch, it was almost time to go to the church for the funeral. "Ryan, its almost time. I'll leave so you can get ready," she stood up, walking to the door.

Ryan stood up as well and gave Kirsten a hug, "Thanks for everything."

"Marissa, are you getting ready?" Julie's voice echoed up the stairs.

She didn't answer. She sat at her vanity table, dressed in a black and sulking. This was the second funeral that she would be attending within a month. The only difference with this funeral is that she had caused the death. She never meant to kill Trey, she just didn't know what to do to get him off of Ryan. She tried to pry him off but he threw her against the wall, her screams were going unanswered and Ryan was losing the color in his face. Tears started to fall from her eyes again.

She heard her mother's footsteps as she made her way up the stairs to Marissa's room. "Darling, we have to get going soon." She said, failing to see that her daughter was falling apart, her entire life in shambles.

Marissa said nothing, she grabbed a tissue from the vanity and wiped her tears away. She looked up at her mom, "I don't think I can do this."

"Of course you can Marissa, now just fix up your makeup, your looking a little ashen. Have you lost any more weight? My god Marissa, people are going to think that I don't feed you." She said in typical Julie fashion, more concerned with what others think instead of her daughter's feelings.

"God mom, do you ever think of anyone else besides yourself and what other people think of you?" she said, finally releasing some of her pent up feelings, it felt good for her to explode. "My life has completely changed and you are sitting here thinking about what other people will say?" she said while throwing a perfume bottle across the room.

"Marissa Cooper, I'm going to let that slide because I understand you are mourning or something like that, but I will not tolerate that behavior anymore." She said

"Sorry mom, I'm not the black widow of death. Everything you touch turns to crap mom. Did you ever stop to think that I have feelings and I care? I care about Ryan having lost his brother, I care that I'm the one who pulled the trigger. Do you care that you made dad bankrupt? Do you care that your affair with Luke lead him to drink and almost kill himself? Knowing you, you probably had something to do with Caleb's death too," she said while running out of her room and down the stairs to the waiting car.

All of her thoughts were on Ryan. How would he react to seeing her? Would he speak to her? Would he hug her? Is he going to hate her forever?


	4. Chapter 4

4. By the time the limo with Ryan, Seth, Kirsten, and Sandy arrived to the church, it was already full of people. It wasn't with people who were there to mourn the loss of Trey, but people trying to gather the latest piece of gossip. No one here really knew Trey.

Ryan stepped out of the limo and looked around to find a familiar face. He saw Marissa standing outside the church with Summer. God, how much Marissa had changed in the past three weeks. She looked almost empty inside.

Marissa felt eyes burning a hole into her, she looked up from her conversation with Summer and saw that Ryan was looking at her. He had lost some weight and the color was drained from his face. She caused this to happen to him. She took his brother's life and was the reason that Ryan had secluded himself from the group and from his family.

"Sum, I have to go try to talk to him." she told her best friend.

"Coop, are you sure it's a good idea? I mean, not to be rude but he hasn't spoken to you in three weeks, what makes you think he'll talk to you here?" she asked with concern in her voice

"I don't know…I have to tell him sorry." she said a single tear dripped from her face, she looked down at her shoes, not wanting anyone to see her crying.

All of a sudden a familiar voice made Marissa's head shoot back up, "Mind if I have a word with Marissa alone?" Ryan had asked Summer. He had walked over while the two were contemplating if Marissa should go speak to Ryan.

"Sure no problem. I'll go find Cohen." Summer said and walked off in shock. She never thought in a million years that Ryan would choose his brother's funeral as a place to make up or cause a scene.

"Ryan, I'm so sor-" she started but Ryan had cut her off.

"I should have spoken to you sooner, I….its been…I just don't know….its hard Marissa." he said as tears formed in his eyes, and he pulled her in for a hug.

Marissa's heart sank and rose in the same instance. She was finally glad to be in contact with Ryan again, and touching him but seeing him cry broke her. She put her head on his shoulder and began to cry as well. The people that were milling by began to stare at the two of them confused. This can't be right, they thought, she killed his brother.

Ryan put his hands around her and pulled her in tighter, he didn't want anyone to see him crying and he missed the feel of Marissa against him. Marissa always made him feel better about himself and always found the good in people. Marissa saw the good in Trey….that was before….he attacked her.

"Ryan," she whispered, "Do you want to go by the tree and talk, away from everyone else?" she asked him careful not to move too fast. Her and Ryan were finally communicating again and she didn't want to scare him away by being forward.

"Yeah lets go." he took her by the hand and lead her over to the tree, He put his back against the tree and slid down to where he was sitting on the ground. Marissa sat down next to him, still holding his hand.

"I want to tell you something." Ryan started off, "I'm sorry for avoiding you….its just so hard Marissa." he said as another tear fell from his eyes. He didn't want her to see him in this state. He always had to be the strong one.

"I….I….I…understand….I mean…I am the one….I…..killed…." she couldn't string the sentence together, it hurt to much to admit to Ryan what she did, even though he already knew.

"No Marissa, you don't understand," he said sternly, "Why do you think I went to the apartment in the first place. When I heard what he did to you, I lost my mind…..I went there with the intent to hurt him….I don't know how far I would have taken it." he told her.

"Oh Ryan," tears streamed from her face, "You would have never killed Trey. No matter what he was your brother. I didn't…..I didn't want to kill him….I…..its all I could do to save you…."her voice trailed off, full of sadness.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, just holding each others hands and crying. Ryan wanted more than anything to just kiss Marissa and let him know that he was still in love with her and couldn't stand the thought of living without her. He needed her in his life, but he couldn't. Something was stopping him. The fact that he thought he was capable of killing someone for his girlfriend scared him. He wasn't used to feeling that rage and it reminded him of his father. He didn't want to be violent like his father was.

The bells rang to indicate that the funeral was to start. Ryan and Marissa walked into the church holding hands. They saw in the front pew, the Cohen family and Summer looking somber. They joined them, everyone standing in silence while listening to the preacher.

Finally the preacher called Ryan to the front, so that he could do his eulogy. Ryan looked at Marissa for support and she just squeezed his hand to let him know that she was there for him. Kirsten mouthed, "You can do it", he slowly let go of Marissa's hand and walked towards the front of the altar. He pulled a piece of paper out of his suit jacket and unfolded it.

"I had written a speech about my brother to read, but as I stand here and look at everyone I realize that I don't recognize the half of you. It would be a disgrace to my brother to read such a personal thing to people who only know what they have read about Trey." he paused for a moment getting choked up by speaking about Trey, "I'm going to read this," he waved the paper slightly," at the burial…I only want the people that are close to me and Trey to be there." Again he stopped because his voice was cracking, "I just want everyone here to know that even though Trey went down the wrong path a lot of the times, his heart was usually in the right place, he just chose the wrong way to get to his goal…..and I love my brother."

As soon as he said the last few words, he practically jumped off of the podium and back into the pew. The preacher said a few more words about Trey and allowing him into heaven. The funeral was over and Sandy, Seth, Ryan, Luke, Jimmy and a few other guys got around the casket and carried him out of the church and into the hearse.

Before he got into the hearse to take him to the grave yard, he asked Marissa and Summer if they would like to ride with the Cohen's. Ryan was making an effort to allow his friends and family back into his life. He didn't like how he felt when he closed the all out. He couldn't tell Marissa how he felt about her right now, but he could show her. He appreciated the fact that she didn't ask any questions about why he had avoided her before. He hoped that in due time he would be able to find the words to explain everything to Marissa. He was just glad that she was brave enough to show up here today.

Marissa sat next to Ryan, holding his hand and wondering why things had changed. She wasn't going to start questioning him, she knew that in time they would be able to open up to each other. He had to realize that the only reason she shot his brother was to save his life. Things would never be the same between them again but she hoped that they could try to eventually get there again.


End file.
